A few years back I knocked down and rebuilt my house. Although I didn’t realize it at the time, that beyond becoming a parent, this was the most significant and profound thing I have done in my adult life. I kept a blog of the whole process but the bit that has had most attention was my list of lessons learned which I have copied here. Obviously doing this at the end of a long, expensive and emotionally draining process, it may not feel as positive and optimistic as it could, but I did learn these lessons (mostly the hard way) so that you don’t have to. The house is in the UK, so obviously is focussed on British law etc. but I think the principles hold true. It is a little dated now too – especially the bits about data and HD TV 🙂

Vision Be realistic, but build as big as you can and the site and budget can afford. Most people build their own home once in a lifetime – don’t compromise on design, quality and features – you will regret it.

Design Don’t listen to those who deride traditional design styles. Its your house, if you don’t want something that looks like a white and glass architecture student’s fantasy then don’t to it. Think about how you will use the house to live in – make sure the design accommodates your changing needs over time (teenage family? Parents living with you?) Ensure you have made provision for access and wiring, plumbing etc. If you want to use heat recovery ventilation, make sure you can accommodate the (quite large) duct work. Avoid boxing in later. Perhaps create a service trunking running from top to bottom of the house.

Architects Architects are there to serve you, not the other way around. Don’t be intimidated by the artistic temperament, jargon and posh offices. Get the architect to design what you want not what they want. Shop around for an architect based on price, knowledge of local Planning, and ability to work with “private clients” Take up references, especially if you plan to use the Architect as project manager. Architects are good value for the creative work, but less good value churning out standard construction and building regulation drawings from AutoCAD.

Planning Read my section on Planning. Don’t make my mistakes. Always check that your local Planning Department are open to your plans in principle before spending too much on designs and architects. Check the Planning status before purchasing a plot. If it is green field or agricultural the chances of getting Planning Consent are slim. If it has an existing dwelling then there is a better chance. Talk to your neighbours about your plan. They can throw a spanner in the works if they feel like it. If you application is anything other than bog standard, seek the assistance of a Planning Consultant – they will save time and money.

Project Management Think carefully before you take this on yourself, particularly if you an not a professional project manager or you cannot give it your full attention. There is a critical path through a house build that includes Building Control Officers, NHBC (or equivalent) inspections, plant, machinery, trades, disposal etc. etc. You (or your project manager) need to be aware of this. Estimates of time and effort need to account for a number of factors such as weather, length of daylight, travelling time, access etc. THIS IS NOT TRIVIAL

Budget Have enough money for the build accessible from day one. Don’t think you will make savings as you go along. If you then do, it will be a nice surprise. Have an adequate contingency fund. Don’t subject your budget to market forces or exchange rate issues (like I did) Keep checking your budget; it can slip away from you. Challenge the cost of everything. Always ask for discounts. Do your research on the Internet. Never pay a deposit for goods or services greater than 50% – never release the whole balance until after the work is completed to your satisfaction (or professional inspection) Become conversant with VAT regulations on new builds. This can provide significant cost savings. Don’t stick with one merchant because they give you a trade discount. They all usually will if you ask and some will be more competitive on some materials than others. The big boys have tremendous buying power for major brands of materials and equipment. Clean plant before taking of off hire – otherwise you will be charged for cleaning. Insist on free delivery for any materials. Think about seeking the help of an accountant for VAT claims.

Builders & Contractors Try and locate a builder by personal recommendation rather than Yellow Pages. Always, always take up references (don’t believe bits of photocopied paper) go and see the work and contact the customer independently of the builder. Be suspicious if somebody can “start Monday” – cynical I know, but most good builders have a backlog of business and it would be a freak coincidence if they were available to start immediately. Going fixed price with a small builder can be a false economy. Firstly they will inflate their price to create a contingency/margin. Secondly, they will be tempted to rush or cut corners if things get tight. Finally and importantly, most small builders don’t have the financial means to cover and penalty clauses or other exotic contractual features. All too often it is easier for a small builder to go bust than pay out penalties. As a small business, most builders do have to create a pipeline of work; this may mean a slow ramp up of activity on your project and a ramp down towards the end. Be realistic about this and ensure it is reflected in your project plan. Go to site every day (after hours) and inspect progress. Agree with your builder what is to be done every week and ensure they stick to it. But don’t bully them – there is enough work for good builders without an antagonistic client. If you want to join in on-site, make sure you agree this with your builder. He has to pay insurances that may or may not cover you. Keep communicating – talk every day, meet every week. Builders are people too. The vast majority are qualified, skilled and take pride in their work. The TV programmes show up the cowboys, most aren’t, a few references, visits to other sites and a check on their trade association membership is usually helpful.

Trades Always try and use trades on personal recommendation. Hopefully your builder or project manager will have regulars they work with. Many trades offer fixed price – plasterers, brickies and electricians will usually offer a competitive fixed price as there aren’t too many unknowns. The points about references and Yellow Pages apply to trades as well as builders. Check work (or get it professionally checked) – do not accept shoddiness. Don’t bully trades – there is plenty of work for good ones. Tell them they have done a good job when they have!

Ground working & foundations Timing is important here, if you start digging between October and March, the chances are things will get disrupted by weather. This is not always avoidable but sufficient contingency should be allowed in time and money. Burning waste on site is not usually permitted but is not impossible with permission from the council. Demolition rubble (as with any waste) is usually quite expensive to dispose of because of environmental charges. See if it is possible to reuse rubble for the base of driveways and hard standing. (All of the demolition rubble from my house went into the base of the new driveway) Skips are expensive, use them as little as possible, alternatives include using a small trailer and the local tip. Ensure that the ground workers take responsibility for keeping the site tidy when they are working. Ensure they shore-up and make safe when site is empty over the weekend. During planning, ensure there is sufficient access for plant and machinery. “Measure twice, cut once” applies to setting out foundations. Best left to the professionals. Check levels of foundations – if they are not, then the building is unlikely to be. Timber from forming foundations, shoring up etc. should be stored for re-use. Its amazing how handy it can be.

Basements Back in vogue now, basements are becoming common place in self-builds. Don’t build one for its own sake though – they can be expensive luxuries. The cost of the basement will be heavily dependent on water table and soil conditions. Sand is easy to drain but unstable when drained. Clay is much harder to drain and dig. Chalk is easier to drain but harder to dig etc. Installing a basement into a high water-table site will require either lowering the local water-table by using a well-point system or creating a dry “shaft” using sheet piling. Both of these are specialist activities and expensive. There is a choice now of pre-formed basement walls which are more expensive but very quick to install or traditional block work, which is cheap on materials but labour intensive. Key to both methods however is waterproofing or “tanking”. Submerged basements in anywhere that there is a water-table will never be maintenance free (unless you want it to turn into a swimming pool over time). Adequate drainage around the basement and regular inspection of the integrity of the structure is essential. If the basement forms the supporting foundations of the house, it needs to regularly checked. Don’t forget to provide adequate ventilation for the basement.

Block work & exterior walls The quality and style of exterior brickwork defines the house. Don’t accept shoddy brick work – it is almost impossible to change and your eye will always be drawn to the faults every time you look at the house. Good brickies, ensure the level, perpendiculars and bond are consistent. Know what to look for and point out faults. Consider Flemish Bond as an attractive and different alternative to standard Stretcher Bond. Ensure that you buy sufficient quantities of sand for the whole build. Different batches of sand may lead to variation in the mortar colour leading to a patchy look. Good brikies (and brikies’ labourers) know to mix bricks from different packs so that an ever distribution of colour and texture is built. Check to make sure they are doing that. Hand-made bricks look fantastic but are very expensive (as with 2nd hand bricks), there are some very convincing imitation ones available now, with the added benefit that they are new and square. Cover and protect any protrusions such as plinths and soldier courses until the building is finished. Part of the brickies responsibility is “snagging and snotting” of brickwork. Don’t pay them the final instalment until this is done. Brickies always bring their own hand tools. Be suspicious of anyone claiming to be a brickie that needs to borrow a trowel. Fitting stone sills to windows is the very last job the brickies should do – these are vulnerable to chipping or marking from stuff being dropped from above. Brick laying is dependent on the weather so be realistic. Be suspicious however if a brickie is working in the pouring rain on the last day of his contract – chances are his work will have to be re-done.

Roof Carcass & Tiling Always use attic trusses rather than standard ones. Not opening up roof spaces is a criminal waste of space and will reduce the value of your house. Be aware however of Building Regulations covering the use of rooms in the roof (especially a third floor) with regard to fire escapes. Check the cost of pre-fabricated roof trusses versus being formed onsite by chippies. The latter can sometimes be remarkably good value. Any roof with dormers, valleys, hips or other features is pretty complex. Allow sufficient time for the installation of the roof. Roof forming is not just a matter of the trusses. There are soffits and fascias, felt and batten and don’t forget guttering before the scaffolding comes down. If you plan to plasterboard the inside of a pitched roof, get the plaster boards up there before closing off the ceiling below. It is much easier handing 8×4 sheets up between joists than a loft hatch or stairwell. Roof tiling is nowhere near as easy as it may seem. Valleys, dormers, roof lights, ridges and hips all throw up their own challenges. These are easy for a skilled tiler but are time consuming. Stacking-out a roof (carrying the tiles up onto the roof) is a significant job in itself, not to be underestimated in time and effort. Working on a roof is dangerous – don’t fall off.

Windows & Doors The windows are “the eyes of the house”. Do not compromise on the design, or materials, it is expensive to put right. uPVC is strong and low maintenance, but so are well constructed wooden windows. And they are comparable on price (although uPVC often as not looks cheap) Planners are interested in windows and will have an opinion on what you choose. The amount of glass in your house will have a huge effect on the heat efficiency. Have a qualified engineer do the calculations or you may find yourself living in a poly-tunnel. Thoughtful use of stained glass has a fantastic effect – not just on the look of the window but on the quality of light that gets into the house. Standard designs are much more economical than bespoke ones. Be aware of the regulations regarding glass when used below a certain level (needs to be safety glass) Internal doors leading on to a common hall/stairs/landing now need to be fire rated. Having built the house of your dreams, don’t skimp on a front door from the local DIY Shed – splash out and have a bespoke one made for you – this is a real personal stamp on the house.

Heating, Plumbing & Ventilation Think seriously about the use of a geo-thermal heat pump before diving in. They are very eco-friendly but because of high capital and installation costs, can have a very long payback time compared to piped natural gas. Many heat pumps need 3 phase electricity to run the pump. Check on the cost of running 3 phase to your house from the nearest access point (can be extortionate) If you use shallow or “slinky” heat collector pipes for your heat pump, make sure you have a large enough plot of land to accommodate the pipe (in my case, over 1km). Under floor heating is terrific but must be designed and should be installed professionally. It must also be thoroughly tested before covering up. Under floor heating and normal carpet makes for an inefficient combination. Resign yourself to wood laminate or stone floors. If you plan to use a heat pump with under floor heating, expect the UFH system to require roughly double the amount of pipe than boiler heated system. This is because a heat pump operates at a lower temperature. Expect double the cost too. It is dangerous to rely on the heat pump as the sole source of heat. Have a back up such as a boiler of immersion heater. If, like me, you are unfortunate enough to have an Aga-loving SWMBO, then make sure to capture the heat that thing creates to supplement the heat pump. Use poly-pipe or similar to plumb your house (except perhaps for the large bore stuff). It is flexible, easier to joint and maintenance free. It doesn’t look as good as copper, but nobody is going to see it. Poly-pipe still needs insulation. Use a mega-flow system for hot water – it’s almost as easy to run a flow and return, so do it while you are building the place. Eliminate the need to wait 5 minutes to get hot water. Consider rain water harvesting for toilet flushing and washing machine use. It is pretty economic to install, you save on water meter bills and can feel smug that you are doing your bit for the environment. If you are going for heat recovery ventilation, ensure the pipe runs and positioning for the heat exchanger is allowed for in the plan. Have the system professionally designed. You are nuts if you don’t install a central vacuum cleaner.

Electrical Don’t do it yourself – this is now subject to Part P of building regulations. More rather than less 13amp twin switched socket outlets. Be careful when using flush fitting wall plates – then can bow inwards and create untidy edges. Ensure you have sufficient ring mains – do not have your home cinema on the same one as the kitchen, Consider a lighting control system – most offer a much better capability than standard multi-gang mains switching, and are simpler to wire. These are also a great selling point for the house. Lighting design can make or break a house. Avoid glare-bomb pendant fittings in the middle of the ceiling, or grids of halogen down lighters looking like runway 2 at Heathrow. Mix and match – use 2 amp remote switched wall and floor sockets for table and floor lamps. Uplighters and wall washers will pick out imperfect wall finishes. Use embedded LED lights in the floor or on stair risers if possible, the effect is great. Consider professional lighting design. Don’t expect to screw a 20kg chandelier into a plaster board ceiling and to stand under it in safety.

Worry about fire safety when embedding 100 halogen mini-spots in a pasterboard ceiling below a wooden first floor.

Audio-visual, telephony and networks Wireless is not a viable alternative to hard wired (yet). Wire with Cat5e shielded twisted pair. Don’t go to the expense and hassle of Cat6 or Cat7 – by the time you would need the speed that these bring above Cat5e, wireless would have caught up. Cat5e is not just for data, it can be used for telephony and audio visual applications. It is safer to run at least 1 bundle of 4 Cat5e cables to each room (terminating in a 4 way data plate) even if you don’t think you would ever use them. In rooms where you know you will, run 2 or 3 bundles. If you have to run coax for aerial or satellite – run Cat5e to terminate next to it because a) Cate5e will obsolete coax very soon for wideband applications. And b) the devices you will have in the rooms will use both wideband and data links. Think about HDMI and high definition TV – the screens are extortionate at the moment but build in the infrastructure. (HDMI will be able to be transmitted over Cat5e with adaptors). Use ceiling speakers everywhere – including the kitchen and bathrooms. They are unobtrusive and remarkably good quality. Make provision however for sound “leakage” around roof spaces. Wire the main room for 7.1 surround sound. Even if you haven’t got the equipment, it is cheap to put the cable in. Consider a central “Node 0” room or area. Somewhere where all the data cabling comes together. This should be a secure place with good access to power and telecoms.

What to do with the family Try not to live on site – it can be dangerous for children and provides no respite. Never underestimate how strenuous this kind of undertaking is, on everyone. If you can afford it, still have holidays – a break away from the project can help regain your perspective. Take up offers from family to help – even those who are just able to tidy up. Celebrate milestones. Get your kids to design their own bedroom layouts and colours. Take a weekend off occasionally and go out walking or cycling with the family. You may like “Grand Designs” but not everyone does.

Everything else While it probably is the responsibility of the builder to keep the site clean, spending weekend time cleaning and tidying the site is a great use of time. Make sure the site is secure – especially if it is empty overnight and you start putting expensive kitchen appliances etc. in. Consider moving in and “camping” at this point. Make sure the burglar and smoke alarms get cabled in as part of the electrical first fix.

In China, one of the biggest property developers is a company called ‘Soho’. In fact where I live downtown in Beijing, the large office blocks opposite all have great big signs saying Soho on them. Whenever I see those signs I get homesick. Very little does make me homesick, thoughts of my daughters definitely do, and when I see those signs, I think of Soho the place, the best part of London, my home town.

The shrinks of the world say that some people rely on vision as their primary way of sensing their world whereas others use more analytical means. I definitely am in the simpler, less subtle visual category. Yep, I am definitely a style before substance kind of bloke.

It does mean that I am pretty observant and seem to notice lots of (basically irrelevant) things around me that others don’t. There is a podcast I subscribe to called “99% Invisible” which looks at design, architecture and things in a way that most of us never bother to do – hence for most people, the things around them are 99% invisible, or maybe just taken for granted.

When we walk around, I always encourage my daughters to look up as well as at the shop windows, pavements or their iPhones. In most cities, the history is not necessarily at ground level – most shops are monotonously consistent – plate glass window(s), a door and a sign. For anywhere that’s more than a few decades old, these shops will have been modernized, but looking above to the upper floors, you can really get a better view of what stories there are to be told.

I worked for 6 years in Wardour Street in Central London. The area is called Soho, it was once a village a couple of miles from the city, but was swallowed up by the urban expansion a few hundred years ago. Soho has however managed to keep its own character and vibe, it’s pretty easy to know when you have entered Soho and when you leave.

Never a wealthy area, Soho’s small narrow streets have always been home to the bohemians, artists and artisans, the creative, the decadent and the destitute. It is the centre of the film industry, music industry and pornography industry. You won’t find chain stores in Soho, apart from the virus-like infestation of Starbucks, Costa and Café Nero – all trying way too hard to acquire the hipness that Soho undoubtedly bestows on its genuine occupants. Chain stores and all the other flotsam of consumerism line the exquisitely seedy pavements of Oxford Street on Soho’s northern border that acts as a net to keep most of the tourists, northern coach parties, visiting football supporters, stag and hen nights and other non-natives out of the village.

Behind my old workplace in Wardour Street, there is Berwick Street – possibly the most famous, or infamous street in Soho. It runs from Oxford Street north-south until it peters out into an ally called Walkers Court. Along its whole length there are small independent shops, a couple of famous tailors, convenience stores, many hairdressers, chemists and the like. But Berwick Street is also the place for music stores – there aren’t as many as there used to be but they are still there, racks of LP sleeves in scruffy plastic covers, music playing out of the door and inhabited by middle-aged white men in black T-Shirts and tattoos.

When I was a teenager, I got into Northern Soul – I think I was the only person south of Wigan who did, but there was a shop in Berwick Street that sold this kind of music. I can’t remember the name of it, something like ‘The Spinning Wheel’ down at the southern end, there was another record store next door called ‘The Beat Route’ (geddit?) and that still survives today although it is now a vegetarian café. I do remember for a music loving kid, Berwick Street was an almost mystical place (along with Denmark Street a few blocks east if you liked musical instruments).

Like most parts of Central London, Mr Hitler unloaded quite a bit of high-explosive and incendiary munitions on Soho and evidence of this is obvious if you (like my daughters) look up. All the buildings are terraced and all are non-uniform. The vintage of the various buildings are obvious by their upper stories. Soho was rapidly rebuilt after World War 2 and these in-fills are usually bland, uniform and with no architectural merit (fair enough though – rather that than a bloody great hole in the ground), but those buildings from Georgian, Regency and Victorian eras are fascinating.  They are not all pretty, that’s for sure, but built with care and a sense of the style at the time.

I have sat outside Flat White, an independent coffee shop at the lower end of Berwick Street adjacent to its raucous street market and looked up at the windows above. I wonder who lived there originally and what they did, and who occupies them now. Most of the upper rooms are now offices of trendy creative companies or the boudoirs of prostitutes who still seem to make a good living in the area.

Walkers Court, the alleyway at the bottom of Berwick Street will be familiar to anyone who has seen a TV documentary about the ‘seedy sex industry’ in London, it’s the stock shot. Less than 40 meters long it is lined with Sex shops and review bars. The ally is narrow and funnels passers-by uncomfortably close to the large men with silver piercings smoking outside their places of work. There is however if you look up, a small bridge across the alleyway at first floor level, it seems to join the Raymond Review Bar to Madam Jo-Jos ( I will let you guess the kind of entertainment on offer in these establishments) and is a surprising addition that just adds to the oppressive and intimidating atmosphere of this little ally. Kind of like a decadent ‘omage to The Bridge of Sighs.

When I was very young, like many kids I was a fan of the movie ‘Mary Poppins’, I especially liked the scene with Dick Van Dyke singing Step in Time with the other chimney sweeps, and typical of me, I wondered where those rooftops were in London, ones that you could dance on and with all those snaggly chimney pots. Looking out from the top floor of my old office building, I now know it’s the rooftops of Soho – it is all there – lots of flat roofs adjoining each other and a maze of old chimney pots. No longer does black smoke drift from those dirty red clay pots and I think chimney sweeps are as rare as a teeth on a hen, but I can still see Dick clicking his heels and strangling a cockney accent up there.

As you head west in Soho, things become slightly more upmarket, Broadwick Street passes Poland Street with its black faced Soho House club (The washrooms have no flat surfaces so no place to put down a line to snort – clever eh?)  and even the names get posher like Kingly Street and Fouberts Place until finally you break through to the lovely Regent Street. However, every silver lining has its cloud, and this corner of Soho’s is Carnaby Street. This used to be just another Soho Street with lots of tailors shops, and then in the 1960s the Beatles brought something in one of the shops there (probably a Red Bull or a KitKat) and suddenly Carnaby Street was the centre of the fashion industry and it has been ringing every penny out of it since. Now it is pedestrianized, with a stupid great sign over each end announcing ‘Welcome to Carnaby’ Street and is full of tourists wondering around looking at the Adidas, Puma, Ben Sherman shops and wondering why they can buy exactly the same stuff in chain stores in Amsterdam, Tokyo, Shanghai or wherever the hell they come from, for less money.  I hate Carnaby Street for its blatant, cynical commercial exploitation of something that was interesting 50 plus years ago and has absolutely nothing to do with any of the shops there now (although I suppose the same is true for all historical tourist locations world-wide). I hate Carnaby Street because it spoils the vibe of this cool and otherwise quiet little corner of Soho.

Old Compton Street cuts its way through Soho east to west – with its nose in the air and a jaunty spring in its step. This is the centre of hedonistic London. The street is lined with bars, restaurants, S&M shops and the most noisy, eclectic, perfectly groomed people. This is the gay center of London, during the day, it is quiet and business like, but around 6 o’clock, it puts on its lipstick, turns the music up and parties like its 1999.

Shaftsbury Avenue is the busiest road in Soho, choked with buses, taxis and delivery trucks. It has little merit – much of it has been rebuilt in the last 50 years except for the delicious Limelight club. Alas now derelict having been most recently an Australian ‘Walkabout Bar’ whatever that is. The building was originally a convent and chapel but was so expertly surrounded by other buildings often goes unnoticed. The Limelight and its near neighbor The Wag, were the nightclubs of choice for me when I was a student. Both alas have now gone – The Wag is now an O’Neill’s Irish Theme bar (what the hell is an Irish Theme Bar? They seem to be everywhere in the world, and they are just like any pub in the UK except the Guiness is more expensive. I am half Irish and have spent a lot of time there – my Uncle’s locals were just like English pubs, except for one that was also a gas station – only in Ireland!)

South of Shaftsbury avenue we enter China Town – this is a small cluster of streets around Gerrard Street and is an enclave of Hong Kong Chinese. The place is packed, noisy, smelly and a little edgy and I love it. It would give the back streets of Kowloon a run for its money for the amount of humanity, working, eating, drinking, loitering and posing 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. And it’s the location of my favorite Chinese Restaurant in London (Plum Valley) and a very seedy gambling den behind a dentist’s door in a back ally.

If you are determined and push your way through the China Town throng, you will burst into Leicester Square that guards Soho’s southern border. This was once a very classy place years ago, where all the big cinemas were, then it became very seedy with street vendors, tourist tat shops and pickpockets, but now it has had a shave and combed its hair (in time for the Olympics in 2012) and is again quite classy.

And that marks the end of Soho – if you went south from here, you would bump into the National Gallery, Lord Nelson and The Admiralty Arch – all a bit rich for my liking. I prefer to stay safe in my favorite place in London – the smelly, seedy, teaming, noisy, magnificent Soho.

As we all know, China is a communist country, albeit from the outside it seems like the world’s most successful capitalist economy. For most in the West, communism always has negative connotations, but that is more about where communism has ultimately failed in places like the USSR or where communism is seen (understandably) as paranoid and isolationist like North Korea.

I am not about to write a missive about communism in China, heaven knows there is enough written about that. But I do observe the side-effects of a communist system in my daily life here in Beijing. Firstly there are the servers (quaintly we used to call them waiters and waitresses) in their thousands. There are 60,000 restaurants in the capital, and most have more than one server. Part of the communist system determines a working wage for everyone, so there is no tipping, as unlike servers in the West, they do not rely on tips to supplement their wages (or lack thereof). Here, all serving staff rely on the owner of the restaurant, so who is their customer? Not you and me, it’s the server’s boss. Its a bit like us being fooled into thinking that we are Facebook or Google’s customers we certainly aren’t, its the advertisers that buy space on their sites who are their customers. We are the statistics that allow these companies to sell advertising space at a high price. The same goes for the average Chinese server – they need to ensure their boss is happy, not the customers, and a happy boss is the one who makes a lot of money from their restaurant. The net result is a brusque, uncaring and disinterested serving staff, who’s objective is to get you fed, watered and out of the door as quickly as possible. Now this may be the underlying truth in western restaurants too, but because the average server sees you as a donor of a gratuity (i.e. also a ‘customer’) so cares a tiny bit more about you. In China, there is little point in ordering a starter and main course as they will all come together, or in a different order. And when you want to order something else or get another beer you have to shout “foo-oo-yan” to gain their attention. Mercifully, there are some exceptions to this rule, typically places that are owned by westerners or Chinese that have lived or worked abroad. The Union and Tim’s Texas BBQ are two examples (and Tim’s has a no smoking rule – bliss!), and the magnificent Temple, which is downtown is owned by a European, and the food ambience and service is impeccable. Don’t get me wrong, I am a lover of Chinese food, and here it is subtle, delicate and delicious, and I don’t miss the stress about how much tip to leave, but I don’t like feeling unwelcome when I go out to eat, which is often the case here.

Like any modern city, there seems to be taxis everywhere in Beijing clogging up junctions and the like. But also like any modern city, when you need a taxi, there are none to be found. Add to that the fact if you have western features trying to stop a taxi, you are on to a loser. In London, taxi drivers love tourists, as a) they don’t know where they are going so won’t know if the driver is taking the shortest route and b) they know that most tourists don’t understand the currency so are looking for the ‘keep the change’ comment. Here, because the taxi drivers don’t get tips, and the hassle of trying to understand where a foreigner like me wants to go is not worth the bother. It is common to see a taxi driver pass me by, only to stop on the next junction to pick up a Chinese punter. There is some sort of quota system here for the number of fares a driver picks up, and after he has made the quota, he can pick and choose. So often when I do manage to stop a cab, he will look at the destination I want to go (I have a little book with common destinations in English & Chinese), sniff and shake his head, then drive away. I rarely bother to try and get cabs these days, I just walk or use my scooter.

I copied this over from Soviet Space Dog. For me, it is just as true then as now.

I passed a closed up restaurant recently, the faded sign said “Flambards", this immediately triggered a tune in my mind, and it took me some time to associate it with anything, finally it came to me – some rubbish Sunday night historical TV series from the 70s or 80s – not sure when. The tune kept ringing in my head, so I looked it up on YouTube, and there was the stupid tune and most of the episodes – I am sure they were cool at the time, but looked pretty crappy now, but seeing it has erased the tune from my brain thank goodness.

Anyway, I thought of other vaguely remembered TV programmes, I have always thought that my earliest remembered viewing was the brilliant Roberta Leigh’s “Space Patrol”, the first sci-fi puppet series – I have always loved it and managed to track down the DVD box set, but the Daddy when it comes to puppet sci-fi is of course Gerry Anderson. Supercar, Fireball XL5, Stingray and the magnificent Thunderbirds were my childhood fodder – but, he actually did an earlier series called “Four Feather Falls”, a Western about a sheriff with magic guns. I never consciously remember it, but sure enough – there it was on YouTube along with Supercar and the others. I watched the opening credits of Four Feather Falls, and remembered the theme tune! Looking at the date of first broadcast, I missed it first time around by a few years but I am sure there were repeats.

I watched bits from the other Andersons, and the thing that became obvious was how, compared to kids programming of today was a) how naive and silly they were, but also how violent – when you consider TV programmes of today, how often do you see killings on TV before the 9pm watershed? Sure Thunderbirds didn’t kill too many people, but the earlier Anderson’s definitely piled up the bodies!

Anyway the main thing is that I shouldn’t have watched any of them. The expression “shattered my illusions” springs to mind. I had happy, fluffy memories of these childhood programmes, and now I can’t get past being able to see the strings or the crappy American accents. I remembered them as exciting, enthralling and captivating, like Dr Who – check our the Zarbis with their Zarbi-Guns – a giant upturned hair brush now, but it frightened the crap out of me at the time.

Last October I took my daughters to St Ives, the picturesque little town on the North Cornwall coast. Apart from getting a nice half-term break, I had another motive. Through my 6th Form at school and my years at college I worked in St Ives each summer in a pub called The Lifeboat on the Harbour in the town. I wanted to go back to the place that influenced me so much in my youth, that was the centre of the music and party world for kids of my age, and I had a job in the coolest bar in town. When I lived there in a crappy caravan, on the hill above the town is the Tregannan Castle Hotel, a huge fancy hotel that (allegedly) Mick Jagger,  Princess Margaret and other jet-setters regularly stayed. So now that I am an adult with a bit of money, I wanted to stay in that swanky place.

On the long drive down to St Ives, I got my daughters excited about how cool St Ives was, how classy the hotel was and how they will have a great time. We were really lucky with the weather, it was a bright sunny afternoon when we arrived, the place was alive with tourists, we drove through the broad entrance gates of Tregennan Castle complete with security guard, and was very excited. Until we tried to park. The place was jammed with cars and families and inflatable arm bands and the like. We finally found a spot in a corner and walked with trepidation into the cavernous lobby. It was jammed with families with kids running amok, gaggles of teenagers hanging around and adults who have clearly had a little to much of a liquid lunch. The place had the ambience (and smell) of a junior school canteen. No sign of Mick Jagger or other jet-setters that’s for sure.

The girls were simultaneously confused – I had bigged up this place as something on a par with Raffles or The Ritz and excited as it looked like it had a social scene that they could join in with.  We got settled in our rooms. Mine did have the most spectacular view of the whole Bay with St Ives nestling in it just like the picture on a chocolate box. The room however was threadbare and uncomfortable, with plumbing that was modern around the time Princess Margaret was born.

I hustled the girls up to get settled into their (dull, 1970’s decorated) room so that we could walk down into the town. We walked down the steep path among mature trees and immature teenagers on BMX bikes with the town looming large – I had been bending the girl’s ears about how cool the town is, and wait until you see the place Daddy used to work! Finally we got to the Harbour, and there was The Lifeboat. The old double door entrance was the same, except for a huge blackboard with a Sky Sports Logo on the top and a “Liverpool vs Chelsea, tonite at 7” scrawled across it. My heart sank. The Lifeboat has sawdust on the floor but attracted a cool 18-25 crowd because of the Northern Soul and other dance music it played in high quality through huge Orange Electro-Voice speakers around the bar. At least it did all those years ago. Now it is infested with big screens, stinks of fried food and is stuffed with families with small kids and men with replica football shirts on over beer bellies.

I was devastated – the girls looked at me questioningly – where was the scene? The music? The energetic bar staff and particularly the cool clientele? They had gone – to Goa, Ibiza and the like – now its families in Renault Espace or Vauxhall Zafiras. Of course. St Ives changed with the times – sacrificed its super-cool reputation to stay in business in what has been a massively challenging time over the last couple of decades. The have to appeal to the clientele that either want or can only afford a holiday in Cornwall, and that is not the “cool crowd” any more.

We had a good time anyway – on a glorious sunny Saturday we played catch with a tennis ball on the green below the Chapel – my daughters are fast and accurate with a tennis ball, a guy commented to me that they throw like boys – which I took as a compliment. We ate local food (rather than the fried burgers and sausages that seemed to be the most popular dish) went on a ghost walk and looked out to sea and day-dreamed.

It was a great break, but I wish we had gone somewhere else – anywhere else. Time has a habit of tinting memories rose-coloured. In my youth, St Ives was a heady combination of party, music, mysticism and fun. I should not have disturbed that memory by experiencing the town of today. 

What intact memories I do have of my teenage and young adult years are precious and should be preserved – there are lots of other places I went and experiences I was lucky enough to have – but all these years later, I am not going to allow reality to extinguish those memories, like the have with Supercar and St Ives.

My office is about half-way between Beijing Centre and the main airport (Capital Airport), it is just off the Airport Expressway, a road that was built for the 2008 Olympic Games, slowly and inexorably on both sides of the road, new suburbs are being developed to address the insatiable appetite for high rise living space in this place.

There is so much to like about Beijing – the energy, optimism, relentless enterprise. But of course it does come at a price – many prices actually, and one of the major ones is traffic.

Beijing has a modern layout with 5 vaguely rectangular ring roads emanating out of the centre where Tiananmen Square and the Forbidden City are. These roads, like all the other main roads in Beijing are wide with elevated sections, and many stop lights. Like the US, roundabouts as a traffic management system have never made it to China. I think a roundabout is amazingly elegant in its simplicity, it is self-managing, needs no electricity and there is only one rule – everyone has to go the same way around.

Here in China however, traffic lights sit at most junctions. They cycle very slowly, often holding lanes for 5 minutes while other traffic is passing. This creates huge jams and drivers get frustrated, cutting corners and jumping lights. Grid-lock is inevitable and happens regularly. My apartment is in the Central Business District of Beijing and I once spent 35 minutes in a car to get past the traffic lights 100 metres from where I live.

Beijing is seeing the same challenges of any city where new wealth has arrived. People who grew up in a system where everyone was (supposedly) equal, are now becoming wealthy – particularly through the property boom which had run unabated here for the past 10 years. In a city that is so crowded, pretty much everyone lives in a high-rise, so it is not easy to show the world how wealthy and successful you are by where you live. Instead, successful Beijing residents take to their cars. In the basement car park of my apartment, there are 2 Maybachs, at least 4 Rolls-Royce, numerous Bentlys, Ferraris and even a matt orange Lamborghini Aventador. Cruising around in these incredible and in incredibly expensive cars is how the Chinese display their success.

The problem is, the city is choked with cars (literally). The government has put a number of measures in place, such as 20% of cars are not allowed on the road one day per week (based on their registration plate). The rich avoid this by having more than one car. Registration plates cost an eye-watering 280k RMB, but if you are spending 2.5m RMB on a Ferrari 456 Italia or 3.5m on a Mercedes SLR, it is a drop in the bucket. There is supposed to be a lottery system for the right to buy a car, but that does not seem to be an impediment to the wealthy.

It seems to me that there is little point in having a V12 engine in a huge car, if you never go faster than 25mph, but that hasn’t stopped China becoming the largest market for top end luxury cars now.

My journey to and from work is about 4 miles and takes from 45 minutes to 90, depending on the time of day and whether the driver of the bendy bus a few hundred metres ahead decides to drive across the junction even though he knows there is no room for him on the other side. This is the all too common genesis of the Beijing gridlock, a time for everyone to sit around for 15 minutes and sound their horns.

When I was in the UK, my drive to work was 10 minutes on a good day, 15 on a bad. I never really appreciated it, believe me I do now.

Roll on the warm weather (it has been average -2 for the last couple of months), I can get my scooter or eBike out and get around by other means. For now, I put on my headphones, listen to Friday Night Comedy and think of England.